our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
