mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Randomize
