Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
