When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
FUCK WHALES
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
