theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
