How'd it feel making her break her religion?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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