Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize