if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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