I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
