dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
