I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
