This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
