please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
