No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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