I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
ugly people sure do ruin things
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
