I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm both gender and math confused
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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