ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
