i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
