Whod you bang
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
