I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
