OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
