Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
