Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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