why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize