I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I am naked and annoyed.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
