Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
MIDGETS
????
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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