Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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