you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
