Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
