i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
