When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
