tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
