my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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