i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
