the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
