2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
