sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
