Just cropdusted the office
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
