He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
