I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
