While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
