i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
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