I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
420 ftw
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
