he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
