Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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