He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
