Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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