I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
