If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
