im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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