Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
