I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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