She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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