So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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