We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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