Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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