If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
In other news, I just burned my penis
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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