she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
