I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I am naked and annoyed.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
