my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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