im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think your dad took our porno
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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