Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
