"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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