wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
