operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
