I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He has the fingertips of a God
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