Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize