i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
