I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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