When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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