you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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