I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
