Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
