Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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