is your mom at the bar?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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