Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
