I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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