I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
