the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
