I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
