I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize