u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
