i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
