even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
