it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize