At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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