Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I AM VODKA MAN
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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