Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize