I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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