Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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