lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize