OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
