absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
