Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
it hurts more in the daytime
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
