He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
